How do I know if my therapist is a good fit for me?

Right — maybe you just had a first session with a therapist and you’re wondering, ‘Do I even like this person? Will this work?’

Or maybe you’ve been seeing the same therapist for years and are questioning if they’re actually a good fit.

Either way, this is a very valid question, and one worth reflecting on.

Here are some questions you could ask yourself to navigate this.

1. Do I feel some sense of possibility with this person?

You don’t have to feel an instant connection — what matters is that the relationship feels like something you can grow into.

Not certainty, not comfort, just the sense that working with them might open something, help you grow, or make room for change.

3. Do I feel like my identity is taken seriously?

Do I feel safe bringing my full self — culture, race, gender, sexuality, disability — without having to justify or explain my identity?

Does my therapist recognize the social and systemic factors shaping my life, rather than treating my struggles as only personal?

4. Does their way of working make sense to me?

You don’t need to understand the whole model or theory behind it, but you might consider: do I understand roughly how my therapist works? Can I ask questions about their approach and get answers that make sense?

5. Am I learning something about myself through the relationship?

Even subtle things — like how you hesitate, protect yourself, what you avoid, or how you relate to others. Insights often emerge over time.

A helpful therapist might gently draw your attention to patterns (for example, automatically apologizing in session) and invite curiosity about them.

6. Do I feel supported AND challenged?

Support means your therapist meets you where you are, with presence, curiosity, and honesty, so you feel grounded enough to explore. Challenge isn’t about pushing you, but about inviting awareness. This could look like noticing something in the moment, suggesting a small experiment, or staying a little longer with a feeling you’d usually avoid.

7. How does my body respond during or after sessions?

It might depend on the session — some leave you feeling lighter, calmer, or clearer, while others stir up tension or restlessness. There’s no ‘right’ way to feel, but noticing these reactions can give you clues about how the work and the relationship are landing for you.

8. Do I feel safe being honest about what isn’t working?

It’s normal for tension or awkwardness to come up sometimes. What matters is whether you can bring it into the session and explore it together. These moments of rupture and repair are often a sign that the relationship is growing and strong.